....You Might Be in India

1. If you agree to meet at 9 and the other party casually shows up at 10:30...you might be in India.

2. If the power goes out upon your arrival to a hotel and you have brush your teeth by cell phone light...you might be in India.

3. If you stumble upon another white person and you instantly become the best of friends...

4. If you climb in a rickshaw and you make it only halfway to your destination...

5. If you ask to print a document from a printing shop and there is only one working computer out of 7 and that one working computer is currently not connected to the internet...

6. If you look down as you walk in order not to step on animal poo, twist your ankle in a pot hole or step in someone else's wad of spit...

7. If your internet stops as soon as the first raindrop falls....

8. If you tell your tour guide that you need an ATM 20 times and pass by hundreds on the way to the next destination and he finally arrives without taking you to one, while proceeding to tell you that you must walk half a block to the nearest one, in the hottest part of the day and that one lonely ATM is not working...

9. If you can only use the AC at night and not during the hottest part of the day...

10. If you try to do a mud mask facial and you can't get it dry due to humidity....

11. If you have to adapt to a back up plan, then another back up plan, and another back up plan and then finally go back to the original plan...

12. If you see another foreigner walking around the mall and stalk them so you can hope to convince them to get a cup of coffee with you...

13. If on the way to work, you pass by a goat eating snacks off some roadside seller's cart...

14. If you pay for a pedicure for the sole purpose of enjoying the AC during the hot part of the day...

15. If your driver tells you it will take two hours to reach the next destination and five hours later you still haven't arrived...

16. If the 12 airport security checks as you try to board a flight out of the country makes you want to murder someone...

17. If you can't sleep due to a rooster, and vicious turkey living next door crowing at 4 am...

18. If by chance the said rooster and turkey sleep in, and you still can't sleep due to the neighbor who does laundry by beating it against a rock which sounds like a cricket bat whacking a tree...

19. If a pack of wild dogs that sound like human wailing begins their evening chant at 1:30 in the morning...

20. If the sound of blaring horns no longer make you even flinch...

21. If crossing the street is like a life or death game of frogger...

22. If you walk into a shop and everyone freezes in their tracks giving you a deer in a highlight look of desperation...

23. If you get invited to weddings weekly despite the fact that you don't know the bride or the groom...

24. If you carry toilet paper, hand sanitizer, a small pharmacy and wet wipes everywhere you go...

25. If you stop drinking liquids a day in advance so you can make it through the 5 hour bus journey without any stops...

26. If you pick out your purchases, get a receipt for them in one counter, pay for them in another counter and then pick them up in yet another counter and the guard still checks your receipt on the way out of the shop...

27. If you can't get the smell of curry out from underneath your fingernails no matter how many times you wash your hands...

28. If you have a day off for a religious holiday, state election, strike or multiple other random reasons...

29. If you have to pay a traveling doctor to bring you Starbucks because there is only one at the airport in Mumbai...

30. If you keep your cell phone charged at all times because you know your life might depend on it...